- Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
- The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
- Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
- Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
- Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
- It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
- "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
- Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked.
- Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
- Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
- Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".
- Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
- Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.
- Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
- Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale.
- Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples.
